Let me tell you the embarrassing tale.
This was my goal: The front door to the big outside world. Or rather, the door that leads to the alley that leads to the big outside world. |
I got up and got ready for the day, showering in my crazy shower-room, and even whistled a little bit (I haven't been singing much since I got here... weird). I dressed, looked in the mirror, told my reflection how nice he looked (he needs some encouragement sometimes) and popped open the todo list. My first 20 minutes was spent reorganizing and prioritizing, followed by a quick 'n dirty flurry of internet activity that took 5 or 6 things off that list. It felt good. I felt good. It was time to go foraging for food and more water. Maybe I could find some more banh mi!
(Aside: Because most meals are cooked from fresh ingredients on the spot, I'm assuming this hunter-gatherer behavior will continue for awhile, until I can find an American grocery store that sells frozen burritos, ha ha. Protip: unattainable fantasy alert.)
I got my backpack, threw all my valuables in it (I take them with me every time I leave the hotel) and strode to the door. I opened it.
*WEIRD SOUNDS. WEIRD LANGUAGES. WEIRD SMELLS. WEIRD LEVEL OF HUMIDITY.*
I assume they applied it in the middle of the night. With their minds, of course. |
Maybe I was just feeling a little overwhelmed, or maybe I just needed some time alone, or maybe this is the very first moment of culture shock (or all three!) - whatever it was, it completely threw me for a loop. Suddenly I wasn't hungry - at all - and clean water seemed like a nice extra... like small, warm hand towels, or Turkish Airlines stewards giving you free Turkish Delight (true story! If only Turkish Delight didn't taste like nutty, plastic-y bubblegum). Certainly not something I needed to survive! I spit in your face, biological needs. I didn't want more banh mi (!), I wanted a sloppy joe from my sisters graduation party that I was missing.
"Knock Knock!" "Who is it?" "VIETNAMESE CULTURE!" "Vietnamese culture who?" "OPEN UP, AMERICAN, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" "No today, motherfuckers!!" *cacklinglaugh* |
But the point is that it was, all of a sudden, completely and unexpectedly overwhelming to me. I suppose it's only been 5 days that I've been on the ground here. It's massively different than anyplace I've been or anything I've done. And now that I've had the opportunity to reflect (I'm big on reflection) I feel better about it and stronger for recognizing how truly different it is here and how hard this will be at times. I'm not going to be a tourist, in and out in a month. I actually want to LIVE here, and this culture will slowly become a part of my personal story, my mental makeup. Just... not yesterday.
It helped to have a day where I connected with Home so much, vie text, facebook, Skype, and Viber (and if you haven't downloaded Viber and texted me, DO SO! The voice quality is much better than Skype, I've found). I feel refreshed and centered in myself after yesterday's disorienting event.
Going through one door will lead to the next, and the next, and the next... |
I seriously do need the water, I suppose. You can get ARSENIC POISONING from tap water her! WAAAAT!! ... mmmmmm, almond-y water, yum.
Anyway, here's to today...
Rock on,
Ben
hi Ben this is Mike I've been sharing your blog withgrandma sue she is very impressed as Am I we are very proud of your courage adventure my did desire to grow I will check in periodically take care love Uncle Mike
ReplyDeleteHi Mike!! I'm glad that you and Grandma Sue have been able to catch up on my 'adventures' - I can't wait to hear from you again soon. Say hi to Debbie for me, I miss you both! I can't wait to hear what else is new on your end soon. :)
DeleteYou can do it Ben!!!
ReplyDeleteI cant even imagine how different it is over there. But, you are strong and courageous...I mean..you are IN VIETNAM!! Most people wouldnt be able to take THAT first step. So, in my book, you are way ahead of the game!
And also..it is totally ok for you to have some "Me-Time" days. Where you stay to yourself, and do what you need to do.
I am so very proud of you!
Thanks, Ally, I needed all those encouragements. And you KNOW I'm the king of Me-Time... As I go through this I know I'm going to occasionally get selfish and just do what I need to do, and damn the man. Also damn the man's plebeians and his children's pets. ;)
DeleteBen!
ReplyDeleteIn response to this post, all I want to do is offer you a hug. I know the feeling! Waking up at all hours of the night sucks! You are probably having weird dreams. You have a good sense of humor so I expect you will be able to laugh about your emotions and all the weirdness. I remember not leaving my house and getting anxiety over having to interact with the outside world when I lived abroad. You will go through the following:
I. Honeymoon
II. Initial Culture Shock
III. Initial Adjustment
IV. Further Culture Shock
V. Further Adjustment
VI. Acceptance of the shennanigans (sp?)you got yourself into/loving it/hating it.
It may happen that one week you feel one way and the next another. I often found myself laughing to myself then getting really mad all within minutes. I think I really scared my host families when that would happen at the dinner table. hahaha. It builds character! Just wait until you start teaching in a totally different system! You will have so many funny stories to share.
I'm sure I have shared this with you but I remember not getting any sleep and really not feeling prepared to deal with anyone in my community. I boarded the first van out of my town to the bigger town that was an hour away to check myself into a nice hotel only to be told that they would not take me until 4 p.m. (it was 8 a.m.). I walked in 100 degree heat to the internet cafe that was suppose to open at 9 but never did ( I chained smoked outside the cafe for 1.5 hours). I then decided to go to a different cafe and bought a the equivalent of a fudgecicle off a street vendor to calm myself. I went to the other cafe, paid a lot of money for a connection that did not work and no one around seemed to care. I bitched them out. Then went to another where the same thing happened. I bitched them out too for my money back. Anyway, I was so mad I had to interact with people. Once I got into my hotel room, I watched some American tv for about an hour, went to the bathroom, then saw the chocolate stains all over my face. That is right. I bitched out everyone with chocolate all over my face the entire time and had no idea.
Anyway, you are experiencing normal emotions. Take it day by day!
THIS COMMENT RIGHT HERE - from the chocolate-covered mouth of one who's lived it! I did forget to shave half of my face the first time I went outside... I hope it doesn't inadvertently start any regrettable facial hair trends. ;)
DeleteYou just made my whole day brighter and better. So far I haven't been mad, so much as I'll oscillate between "WEEEEEEEEEE!" and outright sobbing with my pillow crushed in my teeth. I'm sure the anger (no doubt directed at the constant BUZZ of motorbikes) will surface eventually, and I'm as prepared as I can be for the emotional roller coaster that I'm on.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, and that DAMN funny story! It's 4:40am here and I'm sure the mama's in the kitchen downstairs are completely confused about what's happening up here. :) Laughter really is the best medicine.
Thanks Glenda - Missing you bunches.
Your reflection does look nice- and he's awesome.
ReplyDeletePass it along for me, if you don't mind.
:)