Suoi Tien Amusement Park, HCMC (Photo Post)

There are people around the world that like to go to weird amusement/theme parks.

AHEM: ATTENTION THOSE PEOPLE. This one is for you!

For pure goofy, Buddhist, Vietnamese WTF (and a whole lot of culture!), it does NOT get better than Ho Chi Minh City's Suoi Tien Amusement Park.

Located in Tan Phu ward of District 9, HCMC, this is a bit of a trek for the average tourist who will likely spend most of their time downtown. At about 40 minutes away, it's definitely off the beaten path, but if you've got an afternoon to kill, this is Vietnamese weirdness exemplified. It's a total treat, and one that could only happen here in Vietnam.

Take a look in this picture post! (Also, a special thanks to Mariana for letting me use her beautiful face in these pics!)

The official website (http://suoitien.com/en/) lauds Suoi Tien Park as the Land of the Four Holy Animals - the dragon, phoenix, turtle, and unicorn (is the bear-dog on the right the unicorn? Ai ma biet?!?), and this is a pretty good jumping off point for what the park is, exactly... because it's hard to describe.

Museum, theme park, shopping area, community hub, kiss a dolphin, water park, tour through hell, oppressive zoo, waterpark, fishing for crocodiles, go-karts, fake sea area... it's all these, and more.

For your amusement and edification, I have attached some of the Google Maps user reviews among these pictures, because they're almost as great as the park itself.  Case in point:

Try not to guffaw too much... Vietnamese remains a difficult task for Google Translate's AI. Stil... heh heh heh board grapes.

First: let's get to the park.

Mariana and I visited by motorbike, which isn't a bad ride. You can also take a city bus: grab number 19, 50, 52, 53, or 150 and ask the driver to drop at the park. When the long-awaited Metro line opens (2019?? Ai ma biet!) Suoi Tien will have it's own stop.

There's a general admission price, and then there are separate prices for each attraction. You can buy an unlimited attraction pass, which might be great for children, but most of the attractions are little more than LSD-tinged architectural spectacle - we quite enjoyed our lazy afternoon simply strolling around. On the weekends the crowds are reportedly hectic, but weekdays are generally a little more quiet.

Here you can see the front gate. Blessedly free of children on this overcast afternoon!

The park is dripping in Buddhist iconography, Vietnamese cultural monuments, and themed attractions.

Someone's cranky about their meal here.

You can see the cultural monuments on the map above: We've got the King Hung Temple, rides for the four mythological creatures of Vietnam, the Fairy Pheonix palace, and the Trung Sister Statue.

These contrasted with such sights as Giant Pendulum!, Dragon Viking Boat!, Crocodile Kingdom!, Flying Boat!, and, importantly, Rotation of the Universe Ride! (HOW DID I MISS THAT LAST ONE?!?)

Also features a ripoff Harry Potter castle attraction (which was closed the day we went, dammit)!

The whole park is awash with gold and bold colors mixed with pastels, set off by tropical plants - They make nice photographs.

AND THEN... we visited The Palace of Unicorns. Below is the front gate. Innocent, yes?

Like a silly duck character!

NO, NOT INNOCENT. More specifically, we went on a tour of Vietnamese hell.

Yes, this park is also intended as a cultural primer for children; explore!

Again... THIS IS A ATTRACTION FOR CHILDREN. 😂 😂

Just an average day of animatronic torture.

"Eat your veggies, babies! Or THIS will happen to YOU!"

You bet your butt I paid money for that!! WORTH IT.

In other weirdness, a holiday was fast approaching at the time. You know what that means: displays of extra-large food. No, I don't know why. These were sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be deployed.

Including the enormous custard apple King, who was sadly under construction at the time. 😛

(But also, WTF does this mean??)

Suoi Tien also has a large salt-water crocodile area, which lures you in with this frankly amazing statue:

There were a bunch of crocodiles sunning themselves next to the lagoon, and they all had their mouths open like this. Is it like panting in the heat? I'm 90% positive they were real and not concrete. There are reportedly over 1,500 of the animals in the lagoon.

Got a buck? Grab a chunk of animal heart and go fishing for crocodiles! (YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU WHY NOT.)

Looking good, Mar-mar! These are hungry critters... they could smell the sweet flesh from meters away.

In this back section of the park was a zoo area, but Mariana and I knew the drill about zoos in Vietnam by this point: depressing. Hard pass, thanks.

And just past the Rotation of the Universe attraction (man, I really want to know what that one is now), is a water show. They had a seal that could count to 10 and do math, and Mar-mar paid extra money to kiss a dolphin. No rape attempts were made.

There actually weren't enough people for the show to be shown (10, if I recall correctly), and Mariana and I had to go round up some Vietnamese tourists in order for them to go ahead with the show.

Ok, TRUTH: Mariana rounded up those people and I was shy! BUT... point being Mariana got to kiss a dolphin for only 50k VND extra!

Romance isn't dead, people.

I mean, honestly. The whole park is just so weird and interesting. If this kind of thing appeals to you, do yourself a favor. Just to stroll around is 80-100k - pretty affordable for a lazy afternoon learning about Vietnamese.... stuff.

...some people are salty about anything.

It's no War Remnants Museum (read: unskippable and essential), but it's a trip, for sure, and a reliably silly thing to do on a lazy day. There's also go-karting, lots of food, bumper cars, and of course that depressing zoo. Check it out!

What's the weirdest tourist attraction you've ever been to?