The True All-Purpose Bathroom

This post about my
shower/bathroom is for Ally.

I haven't had a hot shower since I got here. That's almost four weeks, if you're counting. I had a lukewarm one around 5pm one day a week ago, but that was as close as I've gotten to hot.*

In a way, this is ok. If I get up in the middle of the night and turn the AC off, I'm sweaty enough by the time I get up at 5:30am that the shower feels pretty good. And in the afternoon? Oof, you want it as cold as it can get! But there's something undeniably nice about being ABLE to control the temperature. Or maybe it's undeniably First World. Either way... I long for an apartment with hot water. (p.s. It looks like I've found it, too!)

Not that it matters much - I don't spend much time in there, honestly. I get it and get out. One reason is that it's cold, sure, but another reason is that I don't like getting all my stuff wet, or moving it out and back in. The first time I took a shower I forgot to remove all the toilet paper and it was partially ruined. Oops!

Wait, what? Ruined TP? In the shower?

Behold. Just your average, high-tech, plastic, cold-water router.

Yessir - that entire room is my shower. I've never seen anything like it. Then again, I've never been anywhere like Vietnam before.

At least it's in English, so I know what it's supposed to be doing, but isn't:
providing my morning shower with a steady flow of electricity.

In theory, this top one seems like it should control the temperature. In reality, I have no idea what it does. Maybe it's for decoration? A psychological trick? It's weird (which should actually be Vietnam's slogan... VIETNAM: IT'S WEIRD! It's got a nice ring! THE RING OF TRUTH) and a little stupid.

"ELB:" Brand? Acronym? 2nd off switch? Just broken?

The one on the bottom right controls pressure, successfully. This allows my cold shower to last longer and be more stupid. The switch on the bottom left does nothing that I notice.

The Whole Body Extra Freezing Small Lake Creation Solution.

I could hang the whole thing on the wall and stand under it like a normal shower, but it's so darn cold... and I like to get as little water on the floor as possible. It can get deep quickly, as the drain doesn't really do its job very well (A drain that doesn't really drain... Why? VIETNAM!).

You had one job, "drain." ONE JOB.

I've had some very close calls exiting the bathroom/shower with the slippery floor! For some reason the hotel staff prefers to move the little rug beneath the door to the far right of the door after they clean (...IT'S WEIRD!). I always move it back so I'm not trying to navigate the door frame while also maintaining my center of balance. The last thing I need in Vietnam is to go to the hospital - I can only imagine it would be an utterly horrific experience.

Every. Damn. Time. It's like they're trying to kill me.

The one awesome thing: it makes it REALLY easy - and sanitary - to pee while I'm lathering up! THERE, I SAID IT. DEAL. You know you'd do it, too, if you had a toilet in your shower. Total time-saver. ;) I mean, the lid's already up...

Today, Friday, I'll be taking at least three showers (2 is standard for me): Regular morning, Pre-Demo Class (THANK GOD IT'S ALMOST HERE/OVER), and Pre-Wedding Dinner. Yippee! More on the last two next week!

* I promised Ally I'd write this post. This one's for Ally and Misty!!

UPDATE: A HUGE Thank you to my new friend from the same hotel, who tells me I just needed 10 seconds of patience and that the bottom left tab should be held in. WARM WATER on by birthday, and for my last two days in the hotel!! Next round of 333 is on me, amigo.